I have run Interintellect for 6 years, bringing together people from all over the internet and the world for deep conversations on the most important and challenging topics of our times.
We have had 0 toxic incident. Zero.
We have developed a special method to embrace divides between left/right, tech/humanities, men/women, young/old, US/international, faith/atheism, college educated/autodidact.
Here's how to have a great conversation in the 2020s:
Assume everybody knows something that no one else knows. Arriving with deep, status-agnostic respect for all ensures everybody is heard as an equal. People know when they are treated with respect. For many Interintellect attendees, that can be the first time in their life when this happens!
Center the conversation around an agreed upon topic. Gathering to discuss a specific book, idea, or question ensures a shared starting point that every human has a personal opinion about. Provided the respect from point 1. is present, an external topic will feel relaxing and welcoming, not restricting.
Allow humans to be humans - and that includes the host. One of our core principles is that of the Imperfect Host. Let people laugh, question, be surprised. In the time of AGI, more humanness among humans is a plus, not a negative. A celebration of what we share, even if we disagree on some things.
Reduce rank differences between the host/guest and the attendees. The great teachers of the Antiquity - Jesus, Socrates, Buddha - all sat down with their listeners. Interintellect doesn't put the host on the stage into the limelight, while the audience is in the dark and silent. Even if you have a great celebrity in a salon, let their ideas be tested. If it turns out their idea doesn't survive simple audience questions, it will lead to a more constructive and realistic iteration through conversation.
Encourage attendees to introduce themselves and allow them to be vulnerable. A lot of toxicity comes from people assuming things about each other: interpreting looks, silences, etc., because of lack of information. When I host - and when I train hosts - I emphasize the value of offering information and even emotion: you can be yourself, you can show honestly who you are. You can tell your story that only you know. As a result, no one will misinterpret you, or you them. All of the above guidelines work not just on Interintellect, but in any hosting situation. At a work meeting, around the family table, in class...
I urge you all to dive into real conversations today!
Love x
Anna
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Very well said.